i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
