he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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