I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize