I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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