now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
