seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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