You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
