haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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