I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
where are you?
Hypothermia
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
