so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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