the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
