did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I bet he comes in French.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
