Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
