YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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