im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
