Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You need a sexual gate keeper
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
