Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
