Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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