I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
