next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
