we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
