I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
