i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
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