so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
