my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
