the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize