i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize