I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
