Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize