Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
