not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
