If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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