im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
