Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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