the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
