I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You've changed since you got that strap on
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
