so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
