There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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