my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
