Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
