Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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