Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
