physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
