Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
