tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I think your dad took our porno
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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