we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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