I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
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