your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
3pm strippers are depressing
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
