Plan B is the new Plan A
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
