i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
