I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
where am i from again
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
