Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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