So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
