i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
