Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
