god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
