Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
