His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
