Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
