i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
