He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
