am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
