Cold hands, warm shart.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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