Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
