hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
