That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize