I don't think brook has ever known best
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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