How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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