I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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