At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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