Midget sex pt 2 tonight
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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