Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
